The 40ish Year Old Virgin

My blind date from the matchmaker/columnist was a disaster. He was basically the 40 Year Old Virgin…minus the looks…boyish charm….personality…or social skills. And YES, it was that bad.

The date was originally slated for Sunday which he cancelled a few hours beforehand. I was convinced he decided to stay in and watch the NFL playoff games (as I did). I know that was not the case now, he actually cancelled because he was tired and had a scratchy throat. Dinner was rescheduled for Wednesday night at 7:30 at an upscale but casual neighborhood restaurant just outside the city.

I refused to arrive early so I actually got off the subway and waited out a train or two to plan my arrival exactly at the designated time, hoping he would already be there and eliminate any awkwardness of me looking around for him. That’s how it works 99% of the time when meeting a guy for the first time. It’s just understood.

I walked into the tiny but quaint restaurant which had a very homey and intimate atmosphere. When I checked in at the hostess stand I noticed an older, well into his 50′s maybe 60′s gentleman sitting alone at the bar on his Blackberry. Shit! That’s him! The host informed me my date had not yet arrived. My relief was only temporary. Now I was annoyed he was late. While he fumbled in a perplexed manner of where to seat me in the nearly vacant room, a portly nebbish man entered and uttered “hi, I have a reservation with Datehater.”

That’s me, hi Donald. And the fun begins here.

The fact I wasn’t attracted to him was the least of my problems – or his – depending how you look at it. He was so visibly nervous, admittedly so, that I empathized with him. Because I’m pretty sure this is the first date he’s ever been on……ever. At this point, I knew we were in no way a match so I just tried to put him at ease. In fact, the only things we have in common are that we are the same age and both live in the greater Boston metropolitan area. That’s it!

He looked like he was sweating bullets and it was about 30 degrees out, his  nervousness was made worse when he opted to not drink…. Anything…. I couldn’t get a drink in me fast enough meanwhile. When the waitress came over he ordered water to accompany my glass of Montepulciano and then said he needed a few minutes to look at the menu.

“I don’t really understand this menu. Why is pasta separate from the main courses? What’s agnolotti? What’s antipasti? Like meats right? I’d rather stay home and eat. In fact, I’m not really hungry. I ate a bunch earlier today and I’m full. Plus, I’m nervous so I don’t think I’m going to order. I don’t usually waste money on fancy places like this. ”

But, we’re not paying for this so it’s not a waste. In Italy, they eat pasta as a first course, that’s why it’s listed on its own. Agnolotti is moon shaped pasta. Oh, I hope you’re not offended, but I’m hungry and plan on eating dinner!

The amiable waitress came over and started to explain the various menus. Apparently they have a special list of bar snacks that are one or two bites of something, basically to munch on before you order your appetizers. Everything looked mouth-watering to me and I immediately gravitated towards a salad with pistachios and a pasta filled with sun chokes and truffles.

“Are you folks ready to order?”

“Uh….yeah, I’m not hungry so I’m just going to order one or two of the snacks. Bring me the meatball and the rice ball please. Oh and water is fine.”

I’ll start with the fried olive snack. Then I’d like the pistachio salad and (since I was feeling ever so slightly self-conscious about ordering like a pig in comparison) I’ll have a half portion of the sun choke pasta as my entrée.

So I’m on a legitimate blind dinner date with a man who is not eating. And rub salt in the wound…not drinking either. WTF?! Meanwhile when she brought over bread with home-made warm ricotta cheese, (he did not know what that was either mind you) he had no problem wolfing that down. So the not hungry thing made no sense. We had $100 to spend on dinner are you kidding me buddy? I’m friggin’ eating….and eating well chump!

I’m not going to get into his physical appearance, it’s almost irrelevant. I was not attracted to him and we can leave it at that. I am an active healthy person and when he started talking about his affinity for Chinese and breakfast buffets I think that solidified our differences in health and lifestyle.

So what made you decide to do this matchmaking blind date?

“Well, one of my jobs is at an assisted living facility and the director there told me it’s time I settle down and find a nice woman and have a family. He helped me fill out the application and told me he wanted to be invited to the wedding.”

I’m pretty sure that’s code for it’s time he puts down the comic books and go on a date with a real life woman.

I’m not sure if it was due to his inexperience or skittishness, but I’m pretty sure he did not ask me one question about myself. I volunteered a few bits of information in-between bites, but this worked out conveniently since I was the only one eating and he had nothing else to do. He got up a few times to go to the bathroom, during which time I told the waitress to keep the drinks coming for me. She looked at me strangely, not understanding what kind of dinner date doesn’t order dinner. I think she was even more annoyed than I was. He sat and watched me eat, then order dessert. Then coffee.

I can count the few bits of information I learned about him on one hand and yet somehow managed to kill 2 hours eating and making small talk. He hasn’t seen his family in 5 years. He grew up in a hard scrabble rough part of Jersey just outside of Newark. He went to music school. He doesn’t really go out and never goes out to eat. He had never heard of the Miami Heat, watched no sports and didn’t really know who Joe Paterno was or what the big story at Penn State was. He said he plays tennis. Yeah….I’m gonna say that’s big fat lie. No way this guy’s running after anything, no less a ball. And then he started yawning incessantly in front of me. It was about 9:15. I suppose I could have cut the date short by skipping dessert but why should I not experience the full gastronomic delights of such a well revered restaurant?!

He asked for the check (which I assumed I was going to get and submit receipts for since it was a dinner for one), but he made a big deal of saying how instead of splitting it, he’ll just pay for it and get reimbursed. He then sat staring at the $65 total and said, “how much should I tip? I never know how to do this or what to leave. Is $15 okay?”

Yup, that’ fine, I’m gong to get my coat!

At this point the evening became a blur, although I dreaded the fact that we needed to be photographed together as both proof of the date and for publication. KILL ME NOW!!! I faked a polite smile and prayed he wasn’t going to put his arm around me. Luckily a quick shot did the trick and I had one foot out the door when he started mumbling something about how he used to weigh 240 or 340 lbs. and how he lost all this weight. It shows how disconnected I was that I can’t recall whether it was 240 or 340, honestly made no difference except now I was thinking he didn’t eat because he was on a diet and about to go home and scarf down 3 or 4 Jenny Craig hungry-man entrées. Just bad, and sad, no matter how you look at it. For both of us…..Mostly me though.

I spoke with the editor the next morning and told her how awful and incredibly awkward the date was, how socially inept he was and that I didn’t want to say anything about the date that would hurt him or portray me as a bitch. When I told her the story of the night she seemed to find it rather amusing, laughing uncontrollably at times when I nearly wanted to cry because it was so pathetic. No such luck, they’re doing the piece and I was as diplomatic as possible. What really gets me is that he told her he wasn’t nervous at all and portrayed himself as normal and well-adjusted, but at least admitted we had nothing in common.

I almost wished he was an asshole so I could have ripped him a new one and attributed this to be the worst date I’ve ever been on. Instead, I have to rank it as the third worst, behind the guy that turned and walked away from me on the street during the date after we argued because he insisted living in Brooklyn wasn’t living in New York City and the arrogant putz I grew to absolutely loathe and wanted to smack in the face mid-date.

So that’s where he ranked. Third behind those two.

I had an adventure I’d rather have not had, but no one can accuse me of not trying and not willing to take chances. The best parts of the evening were the homemade pasta and getting home early enough to watch Top Chef. I would have given my right arm to have been with Steve Carrell’s character instead.

What’s New is New

Happy New Year!… And I really mean it!

Been doing some soul-searching (more than usual I should say), and I seem to be in a somewhat calm place. I made it through the holidays and my birthday which is always stressful and depressing for me as I get older. (Audible sighhhh…..)

Now I feel as though I can breathe a sigh of relief and just move on. And that of course leads me to wanting change again. It’s not that I’m a gypsy (even though I do admit to having it in my Hungarian genes), as much as I just don’t do well with being stagnant…in anything. A job, a relationship, a location that isn’t working for me etc. I could never understand why people stay in miserable situations, hoping one day they will wake up and all will be fine. Get up off your ass and make a change! That’s my philosophy anyhow.

In a strange way, I feel as though I’ve come full circle here in Boston. Back where I started with most loose ends tied up. My “relationship” with Still Married Guy pretty much petered out, along with my “friendship” with Male Me. Regardless of how much shit people think I take from guys, I do have a breaking point and no explanation as to how and when I reach it. Eventually I will tire of the bullshit or rudeness or lack of respect or someone not being what I think is a quality friend or decent human being.

I came to the realization that at my age it’s just too difficult to start over, from scratch in a new city with no job, few friends or contacts and really no roots or connection. It’s not for fear or anxiety of the unknown, it’s just a reality check. With no kids, no family and freelance work how am I supposed to branch out and find others like me? When I’m a complete oddity and far in the minority of my demographic. I’m a statistical freak. And of course that becomes apparent once you leave New York. Where even the freaks aren’t so freaky once you get to know to them! It’s just too hard to start from scratch on your own (and God knows I’ve done it a million times) when you’re surrounded by college students and married folk in the burbs. I don’t know how it happened but I’m an anomaly. Super…I always wanted to be different!

Which leads me to think that perhaps I should return to NY. I get frustrated, anxious, angry and annoyed….but that’s the love/hate relationship me n’ my city have. I keep leaving…..but I also keep coming back. I need to take a long hard look at what I would change if I returned. What could or would I do differently? Where would I live and how would I live? Because after a year and a half I honestly feel I could leave Boston with few or no strings or attachments. And likely only continue to speak with Facebook Guy. The original person I knew when I arrived. Full circle.

Literally on the heels of these revelations I receive a call from a syndicated columnist/matchmaker. Out of curiosity some months back I applied as a candidate by filling out an extensive application reminiscent of E-Harmony or the SAT’s. She said she “found someone for me!” Holy crap. Am I really ready and willing to let a complete stranger set me up on a REAL blind date where I know nothing about the guy but his first name??!! And then have her write about it for the world to see?

On the plus side:

1. You never know

2. She is basing it on things I’m looking for and that she thinks we’ll have in common

3. He apparently has a job

4. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be on a dating program where you get to hear/see the guy’s feedback and analysis. I guess this is my shot. Sort of.

Negative:

1. I would not be attracted to him or have a very long, boring or awkward evening….only to have it replayed with embarrassing details to the mass media and general public for all to see.

I always think of myself as an adventurer…so this is just another one. I guess I’ll spot him in the restaurant because he’ll look as painfully lost and goofy as I do.

Wish me luck.

George Clooney’s Sloppy Seconds

I was passing through NYC for a few days and decided to head out with a friend of mine for a good ole fashioned ladies night out. Drinks, dinner, drinks and the typical round of gossiping, laughing, venting and idea bouncing — the usual fare.

We headed down to Gramercy Park area for some amazing sushi (I had forgotten how good ethnic food in NY is) accompanied by a few bottles of sake before we headed out and looking for a place where grown-ups who are not yet on social security might be hanging out. Being that my friend is married, it was more like a night off for her and a night “on” for me. I can most certainly appreciate going out in the city much more now that I no longer live there. You know…the grass is always greener and all that.

A few more drinks at a mellow mid-town wine bar and we were ready to call it a night…until….we met George Clooney on the street.

A group of 30-40 somethings walking by just as we exited the bar who immediately blended themselves into our conversation on the very quiet pre-Christmas weekend. The one gentleman as I’ll refer to him, immediately walked around the side of my betrothed friend to introduce himself. Hi, I’m Paul what’s your name? I may as well have been invisible but was in no mood for conversation with tourists looking for a hot hang out in the East 40′s of Manhattan.

I’m Penny and this is my friend Datehater…she’s single! Ouch, talk about feeling invisible. After his persistence in trying to get her to walk arm and arm with him and her flat refusal and mentions of her husband, Paul eventually made his way over to me figuring it was a safer bet. I wanted nothing to do with it, but after some dirty looks to my friend, went along for what we thought would be one drink with a group of friendly strangers.

Suddenly we found ourselves in a karaoke bar packed to the brim with exuberant 20 something out-of-towners. Next thing you know I was handed a vodka drink while Penny downed a glass of water. Loosening me up was not going to make me into this situation but my friend was trying with such gusto to prove that she could find a great guy for me and I was overlooking them, only to continually pick the ones all wrong and terribly unavailable.

Earlier in the evening, Penny asked my permission to pick 10 dates for me online and I’m to trust her explicitly. When I asked if I could give preferences, pet peeves etc. she said she would hear none of it. I managed to squeeze out that I only want a guy taller than 5’8″ who has travelled a bit and that I refuse to date a Republican. She agreed to those basic parameters but everything else was up for grabs. Bumping into these guys (only one of which was single) was exactly the challenge she relished and felt ready to attack full force.

Ten minutes into teen town sing-along, and everyone was ready to hit the road. Again, Penny insisted we stay out and go for one more drink. We landed at an nondescript neighborhood Irish Pub, crowded, dark and thankfully nowhere I would ever bump into anyone I know.

Penny, Paul and myself start talking and we find out Paul is a D.E.A. agent and his brother (a beefier Italian version of Jon Favreau) a cop. Both from NY but living in Florida, up in the city to visit relatives for Christmas. I was done as soon as I heard Florida.

You know who he looks like right? I asked Penny in a hushed voice.

Yeah, George Clooney! She replied loud enough for him to hear and gloat over. Oh man….never tell a guy he looks like George Clooney!!! Not sure why I hadn’t noticed that until I had 2 drinks in me, but he was handsome nonetheless.

So Datehater, you’re going to hang with us and go have more drinks right? Penny, acting like the safety soccer mom, asks Paul for his cell number and calls it to make sure he is who he says and that she had his number. I suppose to relay to the Police once my body showed up in the hotel dumpster.

She started casually asking him matchmaker-like questions…all the while trying to prove what a great catch this guy I wanted nothing to do with truly was.

How old are you? 40.

Any kids? Nope.

Ever married? No, I’ve been too busy with my career and traveling. I was living in Paris for a while.

Penny is grinning ear to ear now while I’m smirking and giving that “just you wait” look right back to her.

The specifics of the conversation escape me but I do recall both racist and anti-Semitic jabs being thrown around like a frisbee. All in the name of good fun….and bigotry that is. Penny was ready to close up shop and insist she found my match when something provoked me to come right out and ask….

Are you a right-wing conservative Republican by any chance?

Hell yes I am! And don’t even tell me you think that Muslim in the White House is going to get elected again!!

I immediately looked over to my friend, (with a shit-eating grin I must say) and told her, ya see, I told you there was something I didn’t like about him.

Ya had to fuckin’ bring up politics?! You couldn’t just discuss the weather or sports or what’s playing at the movies?!

Penny then excused herself to go to the bathroom while I listened in on what I thought was a normal conversation between the brothers. Except that they we puffed up like peacocks and speaking with great force about an inch from one another’s face. Uh-oh…this aint good.

I’ll fuckin’ lay you out, who do you think you’re talking to?!!!

You fat fuck you think you can take me, I’ll fucking knock you out cold!!

A few rounds of this colorful banter and I was convinced if any punches were going to fly between these beefheads, I would surely be in the way and get caught in a mess I wanted nothing to do with. Suddenly images of Jersey Shore raced through my head and I was not about to take a Snookie in the face.

I ran to each bathroom pounding on the door “Penny!!! We need to get out of here! A fight is about to break out!”

After disturbing a middle-aged Asian man and a top-heavy waitress, I finally found her, trying to stress the urgency that we bolt before the guys start realizing that we’re gone or chairs start flying. We grabbed our coats and literally ran down the street, not turning back and laughing all the way.

For whatever moronic reason I felt like I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, I texted Paul from my phone, “Hey it’s Datehater. Sorry to bolt, but we did not want to be in the middle of that fight.”

He never answered.

Four days later I got a phone call at 2 am from a mysterious number in Florida and Penny got a text “Hey wanna meet for drinks tonight?” She thinks he meant to ask me. I think I’ll be nobody’s sloppy seconds. Especially or even a racist Republican George Clooney look-alike.

Thank You Sir May I Have Another!

I’m my own worst enemy, my own harshest critic and apparently a glutton for punishment. I write this post with some apprehension of the inevitable “I told you so’s.” But the purpose of this blog was not for validation but for me to vent and get my feelings, stories and emotions out. Good, bad, embarrassing or downright dreadful.

I saw Still Married Guy tonight.

I also started therapy.

Not necessarily related but two pivotal occurrences nonetheless.

Still Married Guy and I have been in and out of touch for months. He comes in my life. He disappears. He draws me in. He pushes me away. And from my perspective: I hate him, I ignore him, I’m mad at him, I forgive him, I walk away, I come back. And on and on in circles we go. I keep attributing it to some cosmic occurrence that we were meant to be in one another’s lives. But really we have some kind of connection that is not definable as a friendship or a relationship. It’s more like a fuckedupship. Neither of us can walk away. And yes, I know I’m still obsessed with him.

I’ve been out with numerous guys since him, so it’s not for lack of trying. But I can honestly say, as sad as it is, I can’t remember the last time I felt a connection with anyone this strong. The fact that its lead me to nothing but heartache…well….that’s the part that sucks. That’s the part I’m having a hard time dealing with.

He’s been through some very trying times as of late, with major family upsets and tragedies. I was aware of them but not called upon to be there for him. So I expressed my care and concern….from a distance. Because quite simply it was the right thing to do. Plus, I have a very difficult time staying mad at him as hard as I try.

So we decided to have dinner before we each left for respective holiday travels. I made sure I looked good. But not trying too hard. New bra and panties….just in case. I can’t help it, I’m attracted to him and was open to the possibilities of where the evening could take us.

Well, it took us to friendship land. The thing I’m trying to grasp and understand is why during the time we are together can I have such a great time…feel so connected…feel so relaxed and comfortable….have such a good time and a million things to talk about…..but then….

The evening ends and I feel empty, upset, lonely and sad.

I know 99% of people would say don’t see him anymore it’s too painful. But I can’t. Beneath all the feelings there is a genuine care and concern for one another. But I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I want him in my life but if he’s only a friend, well…it sucks and it hurts. I know rationally he can’t (or won’t) give me what I need and deserve. But my damn heart melts into a pile of mush when I’m with him. Fuuuuuuck!!! Meeeeeeee!!!!!!

I don’t think I will be able to get over him until I meet someone else I like as much. That’s just the cold hard truth of the matter. I want to hate him and be over him, but it’s just not happening, even with time. Fucker.

Ironically, I also saw Facebook Guy recently and am completely and totally over him. We had a great time, had fun, and it was like putting on an old comfy sweater. Which I needed. And the fact that I felt nothing more is what made me feel good at the end of the evening as opposed to like shit which I feel now after seeing Still Married Guy.

It’s interesting what happens when you date someone and it doesn’t work out but you remain friends. It’s such a unique dynamic and each relationship is so different and yet each so incomplete. I have all these male friends in my life that I care about and yet none of them are fulfilling in and of themselves. Once again the difference between women friends and male friends.

Of course it brings to mind When Harry Met Sally and the whole Men and Women Can Never Truly Be Friends philosophy. Which I’m still not sure which side of the fence I stand on. There’s only a chance when there is no possibility of sex or relationship. And that’s usually only going to happen once you’ve tried and failed at it. And the reasons for that failing aren’t really all that different once your friends. Sure, they try harder when they’re wooing you, or don’t burp or fart and they pick up the bill….but flaws are flaws – friend, lover or foe.

I digress…..

So how long will I torture myself with this? When will I get over him? When will I meet someone who will make me forget about him? Because I’m no longer thinking it’s ever happening for the two us. I just need my heart to accept it.

On an unrelated note….

I’m taking a girl’s tropical holiday that I hope will bring stories of love, lust, hooking up and age inappropriate partying. If not, at least some funny musings on the latest bunch of losers, trolls and undesirables in a new location. If I post at all why I’m away it will be short and via iPhone or Twitter. Make sure to follow me @datehater.

Happy holidays and good tidings to all!!

A Picture Says a Thousand Words

The Inevitable Demise of Power Lad

Boys will be boys. Even when they’re over 25, 30, 35……

No real surprise here. I knew Power Lad was all wrong for me and not what I was looking for. But thought I’d give him another shot, and perhaps we could be friends.

He texted me the morning after the date , saying he had a nice time. I texted back I did too.

Later in the day he texted “Would you like to get together again later this week?” I’ve learned not to hold out for actual conversations and just text them back if that’s his preferred method of communication/non-communication.

I said, sure, what did you have in mind? And then it all spiraled downward after that!

No response from him.

24 hours later, I texted are you still thinking?

He responds “I never heard back from you!”

See what happens when you leave your fate in the hands of AT&T?!

So I replied and he said he never received my original message. Then he says:

“Dunno, what would be enjoyable for you?”

Funny question no? (Meaning, but not saying, why can’t you ask me to dinner or drinks you fuckin’ dating spaz! As if the dunno wasn’t a bad enough sign on its own!)

“Was meant to be ambiguous…or something”

Now I was becoming tired. I could see from our brief time together he had NO GAME. But worse than that, he was acting like a middle school boy who had never been on a real date with a real life girl! Second date and you’re already asking me to plan? Oh wait, I planned the first one too when you asked “would it be strange for us to eat dinner on the first date?” So I just suggested coffee. Oh geez….really? I mean really??

I replied:

I find the normal things enjoyable. Good food, wine, conversation, movies, athletic and cultural activities….etc etc etc…

I wasn’t going to say “do you know what a date is? – just pick any restaurant, bar, tavern etc?!” Ridiculous. I’m not trying to be old-fashioned but this is just lame.

So cut to….

He obviously must have been overwhelmed by my choices or decided I was too high maintenance because I never heard back from him. Even after I playfully texted too many choices?

Apparently he was waiting for me to respond “how ’bout we just hang out, get high and order pizza!” 

Grow Up!

Cougar Town

After the last few forays with men 45+ who had no desire or capacity for a relationship, I opened myself up to the possibilities of a younger man. One such man/boy who contacted me, Power Lad, is 7 years my junior. Not sure if that qualifies me as a Cougar, but it’s pretty damn close. I made sure he knew how old I was, and he said he had no problems whatsoever. It was me who was unsure.

We IM’d back and forth (crazy kids today) and he ended the conversation without mention of meeting up. I have no patience for that nonsense. Then he proceeded to text me for the next two days asking me what I was up to. When I told him I had plans, he made mention of him blowing it to which I replied “well, you should have asked me out on a date!” I had to spoon feed him the proper protocol on how this works. He couldn’t seem to get the guts or verbiage to ask me to dinner so I suggested we meet up for a late day coffee. This guy is no Bill Gates! I broke my rule of no coffee dates, but he seemed awkward and nervous to me and so I thought it might be best.

We met up in front of Starbucks and I immediately gave him a welcome hug to try to set him at ease. He was cute. And very tall. I had on 4″ boots and still only came up to his chest. Barefoot he might just step on me. But….he looked young….really really young….like college student young. And it didn’t help that he was wearing a baggy hoodie, jeans, sneaks and hadn’t shaved in days. Power Lad indeed. Did I look old enough to be his mom? Who knows. But did I feel it? Questionable.

Conversation was fine, he was a nice guy. But let’s just say I was temporarily transported back to college days. It didn’t feel like a “date” as much as hanging out with my new study partner. But he was cute, and thus my attraction to him kept my critical nature at bay.

After an hour or so of chatting and no mention of dinner, I decided I had enough and it was time to wrap it up. We walked for a bit and then I hugged him goodbye and thanked him for the cup o’ joe. He still seemed awkward, but yet somehow was able to utter the words “maybe we can do this again?” Hmmm…..funny how that works. I spend 7 hours with Bill Gates, a man who I’m likely more compatible and appropriate for, and all he can do is make-out and say goodnight. This kid buys me a $2 cafe au lait and he wants to see me again….and knows how to say it. Kudos Power Lad!

For those of you who have been following my blog or know me, I’m sure you can guess the irony of how this wrapped. He texted me the next morning that he had fun and followed up later in the day wanting to know if I’d like to get together again. Is it because I was so nonchalant/borderline uninterested? Or because we are such an unlikely pair? Because he’s not what I’m looking for and it’s just all so wrong?? Or because I just live in the bizarro world?

I’m guessing our next date will involve getting high and chicken wings..

Take A Number Ladies!

Cause THIS is what’s out there!

Drumroll Ladies and Gentlemen

After not hearing back from Bill Gates 4 days after our last date, I gathered up my nerve and figured what the hell, let’s see what he’s made of. As Heidi Klum would say “Either You Ah In Oh You Ah Out!” I sent a brief email asking if he’s like to come over for dinner sometime.

Two days later I received this….

Date Hater,

Dinner might be nice sometime, but I would like to put things on hold for right now.   I will call you if things change.

I have enjoyed spending time with you.  Perhaps  we can pick things up later if it’s good for each of us.

Best,
Bill

Smells like baby mama drama if you ask me. What more can I say but….whatever!

A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma

After all the hubbub, Bill Gates and I finally got together for drinks last night. And for once, I’m not really sure what to think, how I feel or how to assess the situation. It’s all sort of…….mysterious and vague…..like him.

He came to pick me up at eight, and we walked to the first of three locations for the evening. Being a Monday night, he made sure to tell me he was swamped at work, worked late and the night would be “nothing like the last time.” Only thing was I didn’t really know what that meant. I assumed it meant we wouldn’t be bar hopping or drinking quite so much. Destination number one was too warm, so we sat, had a glass of water and then bolted. I was in agreement. Kinda like Goldilocks and the Three Bears….this bar is too hot, let’s try the next one!

The next one was fine, a neighborhood bistro I’ve been to before, but he was antsy I could tell. To be completely honest, I wanted to go someplace dark and cozy, if not romantic, to suss out what the chemistry was between us. The last kiss left me curious and wanting more. He looked a bit tired and was a bit reserved, I wasn’t sure if that was due to sobriety, boredom or just exhaustion from the day. I can’t determine if he’s not an overly warm person or if he’s just not that into me or if he needs to get to know someone. We chatted and everything was fine, but was it as effortless as it was with Still Married Guy? Nope. Does that mean something’s wrong? No, of course not. The difference is that SMG was so over the top open and emotional, when he was into me it was beyond obvious. Now we know how quickly that petered out, so I’m keeping that in mind of course. BG is reserved and quirky and completely unreadable. And of course…..that intrigues the hell out of me!

He dresses and acts relatively conservative, but when he tells me stories it’s anything but. He’s no wild child, but he’s certainly an enigma. Is he my physical type? Not really. But yet I’m attracted to him. Is he my type personality-wise? Not sure. But I enjoy him. Is he a good match for me? Couldn’t tell you. But I like him. Does he like me? I have absolutely no freakin’ idea!

We left location number two and headed to the third, a bar in a hotel. I was very conscious to not order red wine and to not mix cocktails and wine. I was good, only two glasses of white wine for the evening. He ordered a plate of oysters and I know this may make me sound like the biggest loser – but that really turned me on! Maybe because it’s classy food, maybe because of the danger factor, maybe because it’s an aphrodisiac. Who knows how my distorted brain works. I’m not even sure I’ve ever eaten a raw oyster and quite frankly, they do scare me. But somehow I was intrigued by them and him and the next thing you know, I’m slurping those salty suckers down like a pro. And enjoyed them! I think a psychologist would say I’m drawn to the fact that he can expose me to new things, I can learn from him and he is well-traveled and has experienced things that I have not. I guess that’s the definition of worldly. And I dig that!

It was now eleven and he was ready to call it a night. I, of course, was wired and ready to go…in every sense of the word. We walked back to my place and I invited him up, knowing it was likely not going to happen. It didn’t. I can’t remember what he said in response. We kissed good night. And then again. And again. And he was the perfect gentleman, much to my dismay. And I wanted to drag him upstairs and rip his clothes off. He was turning me on and I wanted to make sure I was doing the same for him. I needed to know if there was physical chemistry. Well, I can’t speak for him, but there was for me.

Yet again, no mention of seeing me again, getting together again, nada. Just like last time. Fuuuuuck! I think he mentioned something about calling me later or speaking to me soon or some other random, meaningless goodbye quip. This guy is like the War and Peace of men….can’t read and can’t understand it!

Two long dates in and I have absolutely no idea if he likes me. I have a feeling he’s not sure if he likes me. Am I interested in him because he’s so vague, aloof and mysterious? Who knows. I’m sure that’s part of it. But more importantly, he seems interesting and smart and driven and kind. I just don’t know if his aloofness is who he is, or who he is with me. I’m so damn open and out there, I’m just accustomed to men who are too.

I guess I need to sit on my hands and wait. See if he makes a move. Let’s just say if he did or didn’t, neither would surprise me. If he contacts me, perhaps I’ll invite him over and make dinner. The elusive date three.

I’ll keep my fingers crossed. And try not to obsess.

Yeah….good luck with that!