What’s New is New

Happy New Year!… And I really mean it!

Been doing some soul-searching (more than usual I should say), and I seem to be in a somewhat calm place. I made it through the holidays and my birthday which is always stressful and depressing for me as I get older. (Audible sighhhh…..)

Now I feel as though I can breathe a sigh of relief and just move on. And that of course leads me to wanting change again. It’s not that I’m a gypsy (even though I do admit to having it in my Hungarian genes), as much as I just don’t do well with being stagnant…in anything. A job, a relationship, a location that isn’t working for me etc. I could never understand why people stay in miserable situations, hoping one day they will wake up and all will be fine. Get up off your ass and make a change! That’s my philosophy anyhow.

In a strange way, I feel as though I’ve come full circle here in Boston. Back where I started with most loose ends tied up. My “relationship” with Still Married Guy pretty much petered out, along with my “friendship” with Male Me. Regardless of how much shit people think I take from guys, I do have a breaking point and no explanation as to how and when I reach it. Eventually I will tire of the bullshit or rudeness or lack of respect or someone not being what I think is a quality friend or decent human being.

I came to the realization that at my age it’s just too difficult to start over, from scratch in a new city with no job, few friends or contacts and really no roots or connection. It’s not for fear or anxiety of the unknown, it’s just a reality check. With no kids, no family and freelance work how am I supposed to branch out and find others like me? When I’m a complete oddity and far in the minority of my demographic. I’m a statistical freak. And of course that becomes apparent once you leave New York. Where even the freaks aren’t so freaky once you get to know to them! It’s just too hard to start from scratch on your own (and God knows I’ve done it a million times) when you’re surrounded by college students and married folk in the burbs. I don’t know how it happened but I’m an anomaly. Super…I always wanted to be different!

Which leads me to think that perhaps I should return to NY. I get frustrated, anxious, angry and annoyed….but that’s the love/hate relationship me n’ my city have. I keep leaving…..but I also keep coming back. I need to take a long hard look at what I would change if I returned. What could or would I do differently? Where would I live and how would I live? Because after a year and a half I honestly feel I could leave Boston with few or no strings or attachments. And likely only continue to speak with Facebook Guy. The original person I knew when I arrived. Full circle.

Literally on the heels of these revelations I receive a call from a syndicated columnist/matchmaker. Out of curiosity some months back I applied as a candidate by filling out an extensive application reminiscent of E-Harmony or the SAT’s. She said she “found someone for me!” Holy crap. Am I really ready and willing to let a complete stranger set me up on a REAL blind date where I know nothing about the guy but his first name??!! And then have her write about it for the world to see?

On the plus side:

1. You never know

2. She is basing it on things I’m looking for and that she thinks we’ll have in common

3. He apparently has a job

4. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be on a dating program where you get to hear/see the guy’s feedback and analysis. I guess this is my shot. Sort of.

Negative:

1. I would not be attracted to him or have a very long, boring or awkward evening….only to have it replayed with embarrassing details to the mass media and general public for all to see.

I always think of myself as an adventurer…so this is just another one. I guess I’ll spot him in the restaurant because he’ll look as painfully lost and goofy as I do.

Wish me luck.