The first date was great by all standards. Drinks, dinner, laughing, lots in common, lots of mutual questions and I believe mutual attraction. We ended it on a high note with plans to do it again the following week when he had his first available free night.
I was home at 2:15 am and elated from a really fun night.
Text me: Thanks for a fun night!
Text him: Yes, that WAS fun! Just got home. And xoxo!
I received a text from him requesting my email so he could send me the itinerary for the next date including a concert, drinks and dinner. Kudos to a man who plans a full evening packed with lots of entertainment! He mentioned the show was at 7:30 and did I want to eat and drink before or after? Then he mentioned how he was doing a job for the venue and that were “paying” him in credits where he could eat and drink to his heart’s content at one of the hotel’s restaurants, and pretty upscale ones at that. “You’d better be prepared to eat and drink A LOT because I need to make sure they know the value of my services is expensive! I also have an extra set of tickets if you have any friends that might like to attend too.” Cute, funny and certainly not an issue I thought. So far so good!
Text flirt blab bla bla…..Text him: We’ll see what kind of trouble we can get in on Wednesday.
Text me: I look forward to it. Text flirt bla bla bla.
Text him: I think we both know you’re already under my spell, but I’ll play along.
Text me: Your modesty is charming. Text flirt blab la bla.
Text him: Don’t let it scare you, but I’m really looking forward to seeing you on Wednesday.
Text me: It takes more than that to scare me.
Text him: Okay, I’ll try harder. Text flirt bla bla bla.
Just reading this put a smile on my face from ear to ear. Wow, that’s such a nice (although incredibly candid) thing to hear and for him to say. Bonus points all around. He texted me sporadically throughout the day and the next day as well. All was good; we were both eagerly anticipating the date, now 4 days away. I was very excited, perhaps a bit too much, but he was just saying what I wanted and needed to hear.
Text me: Is it too late to claim those extra concert tickets for my friend? Text him: I offered them to my friend. But don’t have your friend buy tickets; I can always get an extra pair.
Text me: Thanks, that’s very nice of you. Random chat bla bla bla.
No contact. His kids were with him during that period so I didn’t want to intrude on their time.
Text him: Wanna meet tomorrow between 6:30-7?
Text me: That’s fine. Are you driving in?
Text him: Yes, I’m driving, I’ll be working from home, my boss is in town and I’m on the tail end of a cold I’m trying to shake
Text me: No excuses, get some rest tonight and save up your energy.
Text him: I’ll try. Let’s meet at the bla bla bar, I’ll call you tomorrow.
Text me: Ok, hope you feel better!
Finally the big day arrives of what was to be the big date, the night we were both so eagerly anticipating for nearly a week. I tried on no less than 25 outfits trying to accommodate the finicky weather, unknown vibe of the club and flirtatious mood that I may or may not be in….all while having it look effortless of course. Men have no clue what women go through in preparation for a date. Especially one they’re really into. I had no idea what to expect but I was thankful the waiting was over.
Text me: How you feeling today?
Text him: A lot better, finally. Big days today and tomorrow so I’m wondering if we should try to grab dinner beforehand. Either the original restaurant or something quick. Thoughts?
Text me: So we will NOT be painting the town this eve? J Whatever you want to do is fine with me.
Text him: I can’t stay up al night I was up at 5 today. Give me a few hours, I’ll probably be fine. I’ll let you know the plan then. Going to have a big lunch so maybe late dinner will be okay.
Text me: Ok, keep me posted.
Seriously???? I’m the furthest thing from high maintenance but he went from a night of drinks, a concert and amazing dinner to let’s meet at the venue right before the show starts! I was pissed. This was not nice no matter how you slice it. I also did not appreciate that he’s not picking me up and I have to bus it to Harvard Square in 4” heels. All would have been forgiven had he been even the slightest bit apologetic or remorseful; I would have even been open to rescheduling when he felt better. He’s certainly not flirty and playful the way he was a few days ago, but alas, I’ll cut him some slack and try not to be so sensitive.
3 hours later…
Text him: I’m really wiped, I’d like to just have something light prior or maybe just do the show if that’s ok?
Text me: Whatever you want to do is fine. You sure you still wanna go? You don’t sound into it?
Text him: I do. I already committed to do the show.
Text me: I meant with me?
Text him: Sorry, I’m just tired. If you want to skip it that’s fine. I’m at a Dr. appointment, but will call you when I get home.
Is he trying to get out of it? Or let me get out of it? What is happening here before my eyes? Where is the man who was gushing 4 days ago?
Phone call me: I don’t want you to misunderstand. I explained how I did want to see him and go out, but considering his enthusiasm has waned dramatically over the course of the last few days I wasn’t sure what his thoughts and intentions were. I’m not really sure how or if he actually answered that question. I can say, he did NOT say I’m so sorry, I really want to see you, I’m still looking forward to tonight but I’m just feeling crappy, forgive me for being cranky. I was annoyed now and having no idea what to expect for the evening. If he was suddenly not into me over the course of the last few days I’d prefer he cancel now then drag me out for an evening and then never hear from him again. Pull the plug buddy, because your faucet has gone from burning hot to ice-cold and I am NOT a plumber!
Phone call him: Let’s meet right before the show and grab a drink. I’ll meet you there.
We met 30 minutes prior to the show and he greeted me with a hug and suggested we go to the bar at Legal Seafood for a drink. Okay, sure – God knows I wanted and needed one pretty badly at this point. Entering the packed restaurant, we notice two empty seats at the end of the bar. Wow, how lucky! I pull out the chair to notice the man sitting alone at the end stool is in fact homeless and disheveled, noisily slurping a bowl of soup the management surely offered him. What made things worse, or at the very least exceptionally uncomfortable, was that not only was he talking to himself out loud, but also apparently half his face was melted or disfigured. As horrific as it sounds, it was nearly comical at the time when I realize of course I’m already on edge with this date situation and now sitting next to a half-faced vagrant rambling and writing me notes on the paper placemats. Only me!
Arriving at the venue, we are seated ON THE STAGE. There would be no talking, flirting or pretty much anything else as the amps, speakers and lead singer are all inches from my face! He pulls out a pair of earplugs for himself and offers me a set. My friends show up and he quickly meets them.
Two hours later, as the mildly pleasant show ended (and I was incredibly grateful for the earplugs), we left the club and he seemed a “tad” upbeat, but not much. Expressing how hungry he was along with a craving for pizza, we headed to a local Harvard dive joint for a slice. We chatted a bit about this and that but there was clearly a disconnection. His eyes were bloodshot red and glassy and his mind was clearly in another dimension. Is it me or his body putting him in this funk? Perhaps if he said “hey, I’m really sorry about the change in plans and me being a grump, I’m just really not feeling well, but I’d like to make it up to you.”
That never happened.
The moment he devoured the last morsel of crust he declared “I’ve gotta go to sleep now! I’ll drive you home.” The mood was awkward due to any or all of the aforementioned reasons and I was wondering why we went out at all if he was going to be such a pill.
We pulled up to my apartment with no mention of his behavior or seeing me again. He may have acknowledged his lameness, but I’m not even sure that was accompanied with an apology. Hug and kiss on the cheek to follow (because he was sick or didn’t want to, I may never know), and I headed upstairs with an overwhelming feeling of disappointment.
Text me: Thanks for everything, sorry you weren’t feeling great L
Text him: Me too. Night.
Friday: Text Me: How are you feeling?
Text him: Ugh.
Text me: Anything I can do?
Text him: Just grabbed a large coffee, that should do the trick.
Text me: Hope you’re back up and running soon. Enjoy the show tonight.
Text him: Thanks.
Was his behavior simply the byproduct of feeling under the weather, exhausted and overworked or did something literally just switch off in his brain over the course of a few days from extreme flirting and expressions of what a great time we had and were going to have to ehhh….I’m gonna pass. How is it possible to go from steaming hot to frigid cold over the course of three days when nothing happened between us?
As much as I know this time it had absolutely nothing to do with me, my words or actions, it still stings when someone can so quickly and easily change direction and burst your bubble without blinking an eye.
…to be continued