Mr. Peanut

Every so often, I’ll encounter an arrogant ass of an semi-intelligent man who thinks he knows women (or me) better than we know ourselves. Sometimes I’ll run in the opposite direction, other times (like this) I’ll humor myself (and them) by partaking in a debate of sorts, if I find their point to have some interest or validity. Or if I’m just really bored.

This particular IM conversation started out innocent enough on okcupid.com, where this guy, Jackass M.D., makes a point to tell me how our ethical compatibility is 30% while our sexual match is 87% and it takes off from there. He made a sweeping generalization about the women who choose not to answer the sexual quiz questions, and how we are repressed and fooled into thinking that men will assume we are sluts if we answer honestly, if at all.

JMD:

What a woman “could” be comfortable with sexually, tells me a lot about her in much of the “non-sexual” personality. 
More precisely, what she will admit to. Most women “need” to hide their true thoughts because they “need” to feel superior, desperately can’t be accept them, and most commonly… “I’m not a slut” hinders her candidness.

For me, I don’t see “slut” in a woman capable of openly discussing them, I see a “strong” woman. Those who adamantly refuse are like guys who deny they beat off in the shower… liars.

ME:

Wow, why don’t you tell me how you really feel? That was quite a generalization. What a man or woman chooses to share on a generic internet dating site is hardly a barometer of their sexual or personal proclivities. Most people tend to describe or think of themselves in the most flattering (or delusional) light possible, so I take everything with a grain of salt until I meet a person anyhow. Not wanting to share my sexual history or preferences has nothing to do with the association of being a slut, it’s simply my business and I’d prefer to share it with whom I choose. Perhaps if my intention was just for a hook-up I might be more concerned or interested, but for me it’s simply one piece of the puzzle.

JMD:

I’m hung like a peanut, so hooking up is a very scary thing for me.

However, knowing a woman’s sexual (upfront) comfort with sex can tell me if she is someone I can trust enough to be naked in front of.

As an “under-endowed” man, a woman’s sexual power is both intimidating and invigorating. If she is strong enough to be so, then perhaps she can adapt. Most can’t.

But if she can, then knowing what turns her on… and being upfront with me with how I can’t… empowers me.

Lastly, if she can do all this, then I know I can look her in the face and know we are both being honest. Which ultimately is my one real need.

ME:

Well how can I possibly follow that? 

JMD:

Most women thank me for the warning so they don’t waste their time being attracted.

Some feign “oh you should have waited to tell me, but since you did so early… NOW I’m not attracted” (translation: Whew! glad he told me, but I can’t let on I care about size because I just can’t allow myself to look shallow)

in 30+ years of sexual humiliation, I do encounter one or two that small penises can please. So, the Unicorn search continues…

I had to cut and paste the gist of this conversation just to show how fucking stupid men can be. What makes him think I wanted or needed to know the size of his endowment? In a first time IM conversation no less? These are the men who also feel the need to send dick pictures (I’ve received many over the years) and not once did I request or solicit them. Meanwhile, I could make a coffee table book from all the pictures I’ve gotten.

Was I supposed to thank him for showing me so early on what a douchebag he is AND thank him for the heads up on the peanut penis? Talk about carrying a chip on your shoulder! My initial reaction was that he was pulling my leg – then I thought about it….no man jokes about having a small dick when in fact he has a big one. I believe that humor is off-limits in their world.

Making fun of teeny weiners is strictly for us girls to enjoy.

So take that peanut dick!

8 responses to “Mr. Peanut

  1. And I thought I had issues… That dude is fucked.

  2. Well done!

  3. I think a coffee book is a good idea!

  4. I’ve done the online dating thing a couple of times….and I always wonder whether or not people that say shit like that are fucking around!? lol I can’t think of any other logical explanation for why some people say the things they do online?? I always have hope that they’re trying to be funny or something….but in reality…I know some people are just that weird…lol.

  5. aparnanairphotography

    Well done, Datehater. I love the way you handled this situation!! This poor guy will have insecurities forever the way he handled this….doesn’t need to be your problem! :)