I Hate You and Want My Two Hours Back!

First date in a few months, since the Brainiac Cowboy. Boy, was I nervous. To top things off, he originally asked me out for an iced tea. WTF? Am I 12?! Then asked me to take a walk with his dog. Again, not an acceptable first date. So due to our conflicting schedules we managed to find a pocket of time at 4 pm on a Monday.

His profile was cryptic, but intriguing. Artist amongst other things. And what are the other things? A raw food vegan. Yeah…..that’s likely not gonna work for me. I’m a fan in principle, and I eat very little meat myself, but it’s just so rigid…..and annoying.

He conveniently ignored the meat and potato (no pun intended) questions so I only had a vague overview about him and his background. The profile was intriguing enough, although the photo/s were vague as well. What the hell, I need to get back in the game.

Being a hot and sticky Summer afternoon he suggested we go on a walk as our date. I suggested we meet at a local cafe with an open patio as a compromise. It only went downhill from there.

I spot him at a small table and immediately walk over to greet him. He never stood up, shook my hand, hugged me, etc. nothing….fine, I’ll let his cold demeanor slide. Then he proceeded to have a near catatonic personality that immediately signaled to me he was either not interested in me or just comatose in general . Or both.

I was not attracted to him at all. He wasn’t offensive, but the best way I can describe his look, mannerisms and vibe was that of an aging Queen. And a Bitchy Queen at that. Wayyyy too effeminate for my taste but beyond that, he just wasn’t terribly nice or enjoyable to be with. He initially made no attempt to ask me anything about myself and I knew this was going to be excruciating if I didn’t make the best of it and try to ask him about him himself.

Let’s just put it this way, he told me a story of when he was 18 years old and saw a UFO, subsequently having no memory of what happened and thus, convinced he was likely abducted with memory erased. This was the highlight of the date.

Side note: What’s the chances I would go out with two different men who were both alien abductees? The pickins are officially slim in case I needed that validation.

His answers were evasive when I said where did you go to school he said “here” and I’m pretty sure here isn’t Harvard or M.I.T. He was just sort of douchy in the vaguest sense of the word. But I ordered a glass of wine so as not to be rude to the waiter since Vegan Guy was sipping on water. I then proceeded to ask him about his vegan-ness and how that came about, which I happen to find interesting (having nothing to do with him, simply my own fascination with diet, health and the food industry in general).

I questioned myself during the date if I could imagine being friends with him and the jury was out. I just didn’t like him as a person and it really pissed me off because I’m always to nice to these guys whether I’m attracted or interested or not.

After almost two hours, the bill for his iced tea (that he sent back because it tasted artificial) and my one glass of pinot grigio arrived and we managed to talk a bit longer. I excused myself to go to the restroom, and when I returned I saw a $5 bill sitting on the bill. I assumed he paid with a credit card and that was the tip. I assumed wrong.

Are you ready to go? I asked.

Well, no. I only paid for my iced tea so…..

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You are a 45-year-old man, gainfully employed, doing so-called charity work and are so well-traveled and cultured and you don’t pay for my $11 glass of wine? I just think that’s disgusting and low-class. This has only happened to me ONCE before. In alllll my dates. ONCE. It was even worse that time, as we each had one beer and I had to shell out $5 for my half. It’s bad manners and so immature. You know how many dates I’ve been on that there was no chemistry but they always pay or offer to pay, it’s simply part of the process and the gentlemanly thing to do. It’s starting to make sense that he told me he doesn’t date, yeah buddy I know why!!!

The steam was coming out of my ears I was so livid. I was so polite and sweet and accommodated his schedule and the dick didn’t offer to buy me a glass of wine? I wasted two hours of my time, another 1.5 to prep, get dressed, blow out my hair to look cute, assemble the right outfit etc. You think this is effortless and easy for women? We invest a lot of time (not to mention energy) into a date, especially a first date.

He walked me to the corner and I had to restrain ,myself from running across the street with the excuse of, oh it’s a walk sign, gotta dash! He extends his hand and says oh I’ll call you?

In hell you will!

12 responses to “I Hate You and Want My Two Hours Back!

  1. lol i get so mad when dates are a waste of time… like i don’t comb my hair for everyone! And the evasiveness… seriously.
    Wait, you’ve dated two men that were abducted???

  2. giveheadandheart

    New to your blog…absolutely love the sass behind your writing! Very entertaining!
    http://www.giveheadandheart.wordpress.com

  3. LOL. You should have mentioned how cheap he was being! That’s why he suggested a fuckin walk or tea for a date, because he’s cheap. And if no one tells him that, how will he ever know how lame (and foreveralone) he is?

  4. i agree w/ bossymoksie.. you continue to do yourself (and perhaps future “victims”) a disservice but never telling people what’s on your mind and letting them have it, when so deserved. speak up child… merely telling us, after the fact, makes you an accomplice

  5. Fabulous story. So what did you actually say when he said “So I’ll call you?”. And did he contact you?