I haven’t been on a date in a few months, and I felt it was my duty (read: bored) to get back up on the horse, go out with some guy and then come home and write about it for your amusement.
A seven-day trial on Match.com is more than ample time for me to weed through the latest crop. Actually, two days is enough for me to hate everyone, but this gives a little wiggle room. A literal needle in the haystack. That’s what it is to find someone “normal” attractive, actually single, age appropriate with a minimal amount of visible baggage. (We won’t address the full set of luggage hidden in the trunk)
I find a guy, nice and tall, salt and pepper hair, professional, never married, no kids, local and somewhat witty with quite a bit in common with me. I reach out to him and he writes back. It’s friendly, flirty banter and I like what I see so far. As the second round of emails makes its way, well, so does the hammer.
Bla bla bla…seems like we have quite a few things in common. I am pretty forthcoming, so I wanted to let you know I have started seeing someone enough that I have not been active on Match or making dates. It is early on, but I wanted to respond because you were thoughtful enough to email and a kind response is easy. If my circumstances change I hope it is okay to reach out and we can talk about 2 letter words and caramels.*
* reference to Scrabble and a line from Good Will Hunting where Matt Damon offers to take Minnie Driver out for caramels.
So as far as piss off letters go, that’s a pretty nice one. I’ve actually had that happen where they do come back (I’m rarely interested at that point), and then again, some times they don’t. Easy come easy go.
Then I had what I thought was a karma, holy shit the planets are aligning moment. That lasted about ten minutes.
I was on LinkedIn, doing my usual networking repertoire when a photo pops up in the corner with a suggestion of someone to connect with. I immediately recognize the photo. It’s a guy who I spoke with a few years back when we were both in New York and immediately deemed him my ideal man. We exchanged a few messages and then he revealed he was moving to L.A. in a week or he would have liked to get to know me. Low and behold, his profile changed to West Hollywood one week later. I knew he worked in entertainment and that was it. My dreamboat off to the other coast. For whatever reason, I saved him in my favorites list, just in case he ever came back. Wishful thinking I suppose. My exact type, if I ever needed a reminder of what that looked like.
So cut to current day, a few years later and there is his face, the exact photo he used in his dating profile was also his LinkedIn photo (note: never do that) and the LinkedIn Gods wanted me to connect with him. We had mutual contacts and he even worked at the same company as me some years ago. It’s meant to be, I thought! I’m going to reach out in the guise of a work/contact effort but then in the most non-stalker way, bring up the fact that we had once spoken but location was not on our side. OMG, it’s kismet, I’ve got so many excuses to contact him, I just need to do it in a friendly, cool manner. I wonder if I can get a cheap flight to L.A.? I wonder if he’ll remember me? I wonder what our kids would look like?
Hey wait, now that I know his full name, perhaps I should look him on Facebook first to see what else I can discover. So excited, so excited!! He’s just as cute as cute as I remember as I start looking through his profile shots.
Who’s that girl in the picture? Is that his sister? Hmmm…..she appears to be Vietnamese so I’m going to say no on that one. Maybe they’re friends, I could have sworn I saw him on-line not that long ago. Oh let me read the comments…..
Congratulations! So happy for the two of you!
Hey, those pictures look great, can’t wait to hear how you proposed in Italy!!
Where’s the ring? I have to have you guys over for a BBQ.
So…….yeah, I decided not to send the email after all. As the echo of a game show loser’s WOMP WOMP WOMP went off in my head and I realized that not everything happens for a reason.
Then a 3’7″ man wrote me a letter asking me out.
So I went out for cocktails during lunch today. Yeah, I deserve it.
