I Kid You Not

When I say psychos, criminals and pervs are the only ones who contact me online…

I’m not kidding!

I Should Know Better But….

Been on a hiatus the last month, no dating since that jackass with the iced tea that made me buy my own drink. That left the taste of sour milk in my mouth and I was more than happy to get away, go on vacation and relish my unencumbered and celibate status.

As my life has been a series of vagabond adventures and travels, it seems as though I may be picking up and hitting the road again soon. No need to go into further explanation as this is a dating and relationship blog, not a personal diary, but I mention it because I changed my location on an online profile just to get a taste for what was out there in my potentially new city.

I was completely honest in my profile, mentioning how I travel back and forth, but likely planning to move back. After weeding through a selection of utterly undesirables and guys I might consider if I was bored, I stumbled upon a man who caught my attention in a way I haven’t seen in quite a while.

He had 7 or 8 photos up in various locales and poses, one more fetching than the next. Right up my alley, so cute I wanted to literally jump into the computer screen and crawl into his lap. The kind of guy I know without question I will be attracted to and wanting to jump his bones before the main course is served. Add to that a compatibility rating of 95%. Ninety-five fucking percent with only 2% chance of becoming enemies. Sounds ridiculous I know, but the way okcupid.com works is actually based on the metrics of some very vague and very specific questions about preferences, beliefs, opinions and stances on topics in ethics, sex, lifestyle, dating and “other.” If I’m answering 200+ questions on my beliefs, preferences and lifestyle choices, there’s going to be some accuracy on this rating system. The method of course, does not account for physical attraction, but that goes without saying.

So as far as the photos, check. Compatibility, check. Obvious flaws, red flags or baggage listed? Nope. Check. Has a job/career, check. Similar interests, check. Oh, and did I mention I wanna rape him? I’ve never met him and I already feel like a giddy school girl. This is where it gets bad and I should know better. He’s perfect on paper, and that’s never a good thing. Besides it likely not being true, all it does is build my expectations and anticipation and that’s never a good thing when drawn out over a long period of time.

Taking a step back, he invited me for drinks while I was in town, but due to my schedule and him having to work we couldn’t coordinate getting together. We playfully texted back and forth and he asked when I’d be back in town again. I mentioned that I’d likely return in the next few weeks unless he was interested in a road trip. (Just putting it out there, I figured). He was into it, although I’m not sure exactly what those parameters would be. Nothing ventured nothing gained I figure. He said we should get together and plan something for the second week of September. This of course feels like a lifetime and I’m well aware that is just ample time for me to obsess and him to meet someone else or lose interest. Great!

Do I keep the banter going? Will that make me look too interested? Do I play cool and risk him losing interest? Out of sight out of mind. It all brings about the question I often ponder…..Do men and women get more excited about meeting someone for the first time with the anticipation of the unknown and the hope and promise that brings?…..or the second date after you’ve already met the person and know what you’re getting?

I have no answers but I do know that any time a guy has gone over the top in almost obsessive behavior (i.e.: Still Married Guy) it surely leads to a rapid demise of whatever pipe dream they had in their heads. If they are soooo into you before even meeting, it’s almost certainly a red flag and grounds for disappointment.

Been there done that. Let’s see how this plays out.

Mr. Grey Is That You??

 

You just KNOW this is some perverted troll…

Hey Guys, Does This Ever Work?

I always respect honesty, I truly do. But sometimes when I’m faced to choose between trolls and predators….well I choose to not choose. This message came to me from a local “gentleman” with no photo. Shocker, I know. I just wonder if this approach ever works. Where a woman responds, you sound great,sure!

You get right to the point. I respect that. I am looking for a sensual and satisfying sexual relationship that might go further. As far as the sex goes – you will do as I say – exactly as I say – or else. Nice photo. I am looking for quality sex in large quantities!!!!

The Thin Line Between Fascination and Repulsion

Is right here….http://okcenemies.tumblr.com/

A Trivial Pursuit

I’ve always said that people go online for an assortment of reasons. Some to hook up, some to find a spouse. And others…..well they apparently troll online to round out their trivia team.

Hi there, great pictures. If you ever want to play pub trivia – very serious – then feel free to reply. My girlfriend and I need help in the field of pop culture topics.

Best regards,

C

Mr. Peanut

Every so often, I’ll encounter an arrogant ass of an semi-intelligent man who thinks he knows women (or me) better than we know ourselves. Sometimes I’ll run in the opposite direction, other times (like this) I’ll humor myself (and them) by partaking in a debate of sorts, if I find their point to have some interest or validity. Or if I’m just really bored.

This particular IM conversation started out innocent enough on okcupid.com, where this guy, Jackass M.D., makes a point to tell me how our ethical compatibility is 30% while our sexual match is 87% and it takes off from there. He made a sweeping generalization about the women who choose not to answer the sexual quiz questions, and how we are repressed and fooled into thinking that men will assume we are sluts if we answer honestly, if at all.

JMD:

What a woman “could” be comfortable with sexually, tells me a lot about her in much of the “non-sexual” personality. 
More precisely, what she will admit to. Most women “need” to hide their true thoughts because they “need” to feel superior, desperately can’t be accept them, and most commonly… “I’m not a slut” hinders her candidness.

For me, I don’t see “slut” in a woman capable of openly discussing them, I see a “strong” woman. Those who adamantly refuse are like guys who deny they beat off in the shower… liars.

ME:

Wow, why don’t you tell me how you really feel? That was quite a generalization. What a man or woman chooses to share on a generic internet dating site is hardly a barometer of their sexual or personal proclivities. Most people tend to describe or think of themselves in the most flattering (or delusional) light possible, so I take everything with a grain of salt until I meet a person anyhow. Not wanting to share my sexual history or preferences has nothing to do with the association of being a slut, it’s simply my business and I’d prefer to share it with whom I choose. Perhaps if my intention was just for a hook-up I might be more concerned or interested, but for me it’s simply one piece of the puzzle.

JMD:

I’m hung like a peanut, so hooking up is a very scary thing for me.

However, knowing a woman’s sexual (upfront) comfort with sex can tell me if she is someone I can trust enough to be naked in front of.

As an “under-endowed” man, a woman’s sexual power is both intimidating and invigorating. If she is strong enough to be so, then perhaps she can adapt. Most can’t.

But if she can, then knowing what turns her on… and being upfront with me with how I can’t… empowers me.

Lastly, if she can do all this, then I know I can look her in the face and know we are both being honest. Which ultimately is my one real need.

ME:

Well how can I possibly follow that? 

JMD:

Most women thank me for the warning so they don’t waste their time being attracted.

Some feign “oh you should have waited to tell me, but since you did so early… NOW I’m not attracted” (translation: Whew! glad he told me, but I can’t let on I care about size because I just can’t allow myself to look shallow)

in 30+ years of sexual humiliation, I do encounter one or two that small penises can please. So, the Unicorn search continues…

I had to cut and paste the gist of this conversation just to show how fucking stupid men can be. What makes him think I wanted or needed to know the size of his endowment? In a first time IM conversation no less? These are the men who also feel the need to send dick pictures (I’ve received many over the years) and not once did I request or solicit them. Meanwhile, I could make a coffee table book from all the pictures I’ve gotten.

Was I supposed to thank him for showing me so early on what a douchebag he is AND thank him for the heads up on the peanut penis? Talk about carrying a chip on your shoulder! My initial reaction was that he was pulling my leg – then I thought about it….no man jokes about having a small dick when in fact he has a big one. I believe that humor is off-limits in their world.

Making fun of teeny weiners is strictly for us girls to enjoy.

So take that peanut dick!