Dear Future Husband,
As we were in the early stages of getting to know one another, I thought it was only fair to point out a few things about myself that perhaps, may not be so obvious. I mean, how could you know all the angst and frustration I’ve been through in my dating life? How could you know I’m prone to anxiety and that I’m extremely impatient? – Meaning I am more of what you would call “impulsive” I suppose. How could you know that as much as I trust no man that I date (until he proves that I can, in fact trust him), I still easily fall for someone and can get hurt more easily than I’d like. How could you know that I actually take you for your word and want to believe you when you say you are speaking the truth. Thing is, I don’t really think I’m unique in any of these aspects, I kind of think most women think and believe these things…but hey…how could you know?
To help us both out, I thought it might be useful to exemplify the worst-case scenario of what not to do. What not to say and how not to act, in order to avoid these types of situations for both of our betterment.
1. Please do not set a date for a week away after having our initial conversation. I realize, of course, sometimes this is unavoidable, but it’s usually best to move quickly while the iron is hot so to speak. If we do have a week lag before meeting please skip to number 2.
2. Please do not call me twice a day every day and fill that in with multiple texts and emails, specifically when you wake and go to sleep. It’s only going to make me believe you are constantly thinking about me, excited to meet me and that we have an unexplainable connection before ever meeting face to face. All this will do is paint a picture in my mind that you are exactly what I’m looking for, thoughtful, attentive, interested and into me.
This also applies to speaking of the future in any sense. Any plans for the two of us, how we will be doing laundry together, taking weekend trips etc. Don’t even allude to these things. It’s really just putting the horse before the cart. If I could count all the boats, trips and summer homes I’ve been “invited to” prior to a first date I would have been living it up like Beyonce’.
3. On our date, please don’t continue to talk of future plans and then be stroking my hands before dessert comes. Don’t lean in and kiss me at the table repeatedly and act lovingly when we’ve known one another for 3 hours.
4. Please don’t act so interested in my life and my family and wanting to tell me the minutiae of yours. Again, it’s only going to give me the impression that you care and really want to know.
5. Please don’t comment about how fantastic the date is and then proceed to compliment me while you’re crafting the perfectly ideal romantic evening. It really sets the bar quite high that you’re enjoying yourself and having a great time.
6. Please do make mention of another date or plans for another date before the evening is over. It makes me feel you are genuinely interested and sets my mind at ease as to whether I’ll ever see you again. Saying “I’ll call you tomorrow” only works if I believe it’s true.
7. When you do call the next day and end the call, don’t say, “Let’s get together next week. But I’m really busy so I don’t know when. So maybe Wednesday. I don’t know.”
When Wednesday comes and goes and I don’t hear from you I’m already starting to rage that you are inconsiderate and rude, and likely not interested.
8. When you do text me and it’s mundane conversation with no mention of a date, I’m going to wonder WTF and why are you bothering. I’ll assume I’m on your back burner with something or someone of higher importance cooking. I’m also going to wonder how you had so much time last week in your busy schedule to call me twice a day when now you’re barely texting once.
9. So here’s the thing…..I’m going to call you out at some point. I’m going to give you an opportunity to bow out gracefully and be on your merry way. If you don’t have the balls to say, “I don’t think we’re a match” (despite said words and behavior) I’m going to open the door and gently assist you. You see, here’s how we’re different….when I go on a date and have a great time….I actually would like to see you again. And not in a week or two from now. BUT, if it’s unavoidable, I’m going to express my interest and keep the momentum going….to show I am thoughtful and interested in you! That’s how normal people date.
10. Please, when I give you the opportunity to say See Ya…please take it if you have no intention of calling me or seeing me again. What does it accomplish for you to say “we’ll make a date soon!” Why bother? Why keep me lingering? It’s really quite cruel and unfair actually. Unless of course you’re a 15-year-old boy, then of course it’s perfectly par for the course. If I didn’t like you, or had some balls of my own, I would reply with “don’t bother!” What self-respecting woman is going to sit and let a man follow-up for a second date weeks after the first when you were probably not busy with work so much, but more like testing out another relationship you were unsure of.
11. Please I beg you, don’t follow up the “soon” conversation by sending me a text saying “you’ll call me tonight to talk about what’s going on…things haven’t been easy for you lately, you have so much going on…bla bla bla…..”…………..and then NEVER CALL…..again….ever.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say this one stung. Although nothing really shocks or surprises me, it still angered, then upset then disappointed me…
Girl gets up off bike, bandages herself up, picks up the bike, and gets back on it to take another ride.