Had a date from hell?
Story you’d like to share?
Let’s hear it!
I wrote this rant a while ago (about a jackass i briefly dated), but still didn’t feel satisfied. Maybe posting will help. Enjoy!
1. I cannot believe you refer to women as “high/low mileage” based on their sexual history. But being a bull-shitter, I am sure you would insist you were joking if anyone ever called you on it.
2. It’s great that you went to Ivy League schools, but it’s really lame to think you’re better than everybody because of it. Nobody in the real world gives a shit.
3. Ditto for your fancy car, watch, and other material things. Good for you if you have a Rolex, but it’s REALLY FUCKIN LAME to point it out to me just in case I didn’t notice the brand on the dial. “And now, Mr. Rolex comes off.” WTF?!
4. How you pretend to know SO much about wine. You once asked the server what adjectives she would use to describe the wine, then used those words freely yourself for the rest of the night as if you had any clue. “This merlot is pretty oaky.” Shut the fuck up. It’s ok if you don’t know dick about wine, but it’s REALLY FUCKIN LAME to bullshit your way through a wine-tasting event just to impress a bunch of idiots you will likely never meet again.
5. When you once spoke to our waitress in Spanish USING A LISP just to show off how continental you are because she said she was from Madrid. Wow, what a Renaissance Man. Be still my heart.
6. You are a cheap bastard. As I recall, we basically took turns paying for meals. But you would make jokes about “having to pay for everything around here,” which was especially lame considering that YOU picked out the fancy restaurants and the (oaky) merlots! Jackass.
7. You are selfish and lazy in bed, just like in real life. Not trying to get a woman off but INSISTING that you repeatedly get off is not most women’s idea of great sex; however, it IS most women’s idea of a guy who “masturbates with women.”
8. You basically judge people on outward things like their money, schooling, job title, etc. because you are so proud of yourself in these areas. You do not judge others by who they are on the inside because YOU are shitty on the inside. Much better to judge based on Rolexes and Ivy League schools (since you have both) rather than on character, integrity, honesty, respect, etc.
9. Your rock-star complex. You are NOT a “musician.” And stop pretending that you haven’t “made it” in the industry because you haven’t wholly devoted yourself to “the music thing.” You haven’t made it in the music biz because you’re a talentless prick. Playing bass and guitar in your crappy studio does NOT a musician make, capiche? The only thing you have in common w/ rock stars is their gigantic egos, neurotic tendencies, drama queen behavior, and stunningly little regard for those around them.
10. How you refer to yourself as “self-employed” when really you’re UNemployed. Calling yourself the “President” of your company, which btw is a crappy one-man taco stand shop that does “consulting.” You think hard work is beneath you because you think you’re some kind of a genius. You’re so special that the world owes you a living. Ironically, you HAVE made a living off of bull-shitting, because you haven’t done an honest day’s work since the 12th of Never and yet you still manage to make rent!
11. This one’s a bonus – your monologues. Jesus F Christ, I must have been lonelier than those bastards on Gilligan’s Island to listen to you drone on and on about your melodrama, your insecurities, and your hyper-sensitive experiences in the world. Save that shit for your therapist, dude. (There’s a reason they make upwards of $300/hour – they have to listen to human garbage. I don’t!) I am surprised my ear didn’t literally fall off from your incessant yammering. Here’s a clue: a conversation is between two people, a monologue is one person droning on while the other wishes they were dead.
Overall you are possibly the most self-absorbed, egotistical, self-delusional person I ever met. Dumping your ass was the best decision I ever made (and dating you might have been the worst).
Watch out ladies, he’s on the loose in SF! This is one Missed Connection you won’t regret.
Yeah bookmaking this wasn’t a high risk decision great post! .
Worse date ever: tales of the socially awkward.
So I had been kinda on and off with this guy. Mostly just physical, as that was our arrangement. Which would be fine and dandy except that he insisted to tag along with me and my friends when we’d go out and then awkwardly proposition me after the night out even when we stopped having sex. One day he called and asked what I was doing. I was at a friend’s housewarming party and didn’t really want to invite him. But he insisted he wanted to see me and my friends encouraged me to bring him because, honestly, they thought his awkwardness was hilarious. He comes to the party, even though he’s 10 years older than everyone there, whines the whole time about how boring it is and has a few too many and argues with an underage girl. At the end of the night, he awkwardly hangs by me and asks if I’m ready to go home. When I say no and he leaves, he calls me 5 minutes later just to make sure I didn’t need a ride. When I refused again and got off the phone he calls back another 5 minutes later and says, “So, can you put your friend that I met there on the phone for me?” No shame, didn’t see anything wrong with it, couldn’t have been more stupid and awkward. That was a wreck.
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